• Private Ivy

What is mutual masturbation and how can it improve your sex life?

Mutual masturbation is when two (or more) people masturbate in each other’s presence. This

can take the form of you masturbating whilst your partner watches, you watching them

masturbate, or both of you masturbating together. It can be done with or without touching each

other. Mutual masturbation can come under the umbrella 'outercourse', where there is no

penetration of the vagina or anus, or can include penetration of ones self (usually with fingers or

toys).



Mutual masturbation can be an unexpected way to spice up your bedroom routine. The act of

being “on display” can also be incredibly sexy, especially if you have either voyeuristic or

exhibitionistic tendencies. The signs of your partner’s arousal, their sighs, their moans, the way

their body moves to their own touch is often a huge turn-on. Feeling their eyes fixed on you as

you touch yourself can be incredibly sexy and empowering.


Benefits:

• Mutual masturbation can be done along side each other, at opposite ends of the room or

even miles apart using live video chat.

• It can be foreplay or the main event. Even as an alternative to sex in order to preserve

virginity, reduce the risk of pregnancy and STIs, or when you do not yet feel ready for

intercourse with your partner.

• Watching each other pleasure yourselves is a chance for you and your partner to see

exactly what each others bodies respond best to. You can teach them what you like

without instructing them.

• It is a way of ensuring you both achieve orgasm. If one of you is getting too close to

coming you can stop or slow down, making it easier for you to come at the same time.

• It can be used instead of porn. If you feel you are reaching for your phone too often try

watching you partner instead, your own private live show.

• Mutual masturbation can be practised with or without sex toys. Try learning how your

partner's latest toy works by watching them use it on themselves and they might let you

use it on them later.

• It builds trust in a relationship. What says “I trust you” more than letting them watch

something so intimate.


Mutual masturbation is a fantasy for many, but how can you suggest trying this?


If you or your partner are shy initiate mutual masturbation when you are already starting to get intimate together. Touch your partner with your hands, then pull away and say, “Why don’t you take over for a minute?”, you can then continue to switch back and forth until you are both more comfortable.


Be brave, say something like “I'd really like to watch you touch yourself” or “Do you want to

watch me play with myself?”.


Alternatively you could show them this article and ask them what they think about trying it out.


If you aren't comfortable fully exposing yourself in front of your partner yet try mutual

masturbation by candlelight or semi-nude. The turn on is knowing what they are doing as much

as it it seeing it. And if you are not ready to masturbate in front of them the way you do by

yourself, you can keep it simple by using slow, sensual strokes.


Variations:

• Up the voyeuristic factor, have just one partner masturbate at a time, while the other

watches.

• Assist each other. If your partner is a woman, try fingering her internally while she

strokes her clitoris. If your partner is a man, caress or suck his balls while he strokes his

shaft.

• Let your partner catch you masturbating, use this to initiate sex or just put on a show for

them.

• Have one of you be in charge. For example, perhaps one partner can only touch

themselves or bring themselves to orgasm when given explicit permission.

• Restrict them. If you are into bondage try tying your partners hands behind their back or

cuffing them to the bed so that they can not touch themselves as they watch you

masturbate.

• Switch it up. Try masturbating together before or after whatever activities tend to be your

“main event”; or try taking breaks from the main event to spend a few minutes

masturbating.

• Be a tease. Take it slow, building up to orgasm gradually will up the anticipation.

• Incorporate massage. Make the experience all the more sensual by massaging yourself

and/or your partner.

• Toys. There are so many options; use one on yourself, your partner or have them use it

on you. More advanced? Try using multiple toys at once.


There are so many ways to enjoy mutual masturbation, it has great potential to be a source of constant experimentation and excitement in the bedroom.