• Private Ivy

Beginners Guide To Female Masturbation

Updated: Apr 18, 2018

Female masturbation is often seen as a taboo subject, which is ridiculous as it is perfectly natural and has many health and relationship benefits.

Helpful sex education in schools, celebrating woman's sexuality and encouraging healthy masturbation, are three things that should be widespread but sadly aren't. Unfortunately, modern society still holds plenty of old-fashioned views, especially when it comes to sex and the female role in it.

As it is unlikely that you have been taught good self-pleasure techniques, Private Ivy is here to help.

Know your bits

Understanding the various parts of your body is the first step. Getting to know your body, without overthinking, is the best approach.

Here are some straightforward definitions:

Vulva: This is the outer section of your lady parts. It includes the clitoris, labia lips, urethra and entrance to the vagina.

Clitoris: When people talk about the clitoris, they’re usually just talking about the glans (the very sensitive outside part), but the bump you can see on the vulva is just the tip of the iceberg.

Vagina: This is a pulsing muscle that opens and closes between the cervix (at the base of the uterus) and the external opening.


Before you get started, relax, set the mood. Try dimming the lights, having a bath or enjoying a glass of wine.

Let your imagination run wild. Fantasise about a sexy situation, whatever gets you hot. The more turned on you are, the better your self-play will be.


We recommend using your hands at first before jumping in with toys. Exploring with your fingers allows you to pinpoint your sweet spots, meaning that when you do start experimenting with toys you'll know exactly where to place them. Masturbation, and in fact your whole sex life, is a journey; everyone's is different, and you should embrace it, enjoying your experiences without rushing.

Begin the build up by getting to know your body better. Slowly stroke the inside of your thighs or apply gentle pressure to your nipples. Not everyone enjoys nipple-play, see if it works for you, if it does, experiment by using circular motions &/or gently pulling them with your fingers. Touch your neck, lightly trail your fingertips across your chest, down your body, let them linger. Listen to your body as it responds to your touch.

The Clit

Many women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. There’s no ‘correct’ way to masturbate, but here’s a few techniques to get you started.

Start by gently rubbing around the clitoral area in circular motions, building up the pressure and speed slowly as the pleasure intensifies. Teasing your body is important, anticipation can be such a turn on.

When you simply can’t take any more, spread your lips apart with two fingers so your clit is exposed. Using a finger from your other hand begin by stroking your clit slowly. Lightly stroking the sides of the clit works best for some women, whilst others prefer directly rubbing the tip with one or two fingers in circular motions. Play around with different techniques.

The clitoris is a powerhouse of pleasure, containing over 8,000 nerve endings, which is twice as many as the penis. The clitoris is not just what you see on the outside, this tiny erogenous zone spreads feeling to 15,000 other nerves in the pelvis, which explains why female orgasms are a whole-body experience.

The G-spot

Try pairing some penetration with clitoral stimulation. Dual stimulation is often the secret to achieving the best blended orgasms. Using lubricant, insert one or more fingers, depending on comfort. You can stimulate with either thrust-like motions or massage the vaginal wall until you find your sweet spot. The G-spot can be hard to find, so don’t feel disheartened if it takes you a while to find yours.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Remember, every woman is different, no two bodies are identical. Whilst learning to masturbate don't just aim to orgasm. People enjoy different forms of stimulation, this is your chance to get to know your body better. Understanding your body is best done slowly, be indulgent. Make time to be exploratory and playful. By doing so, you’ll build a better relationship with your body, and as a result be able to have more confidence to say exactly what you want. And trust me, when you do finally achieve orgasm it'll be worth the wait!