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8 Things to Consider Before Exploring BDSM

Humans are curious creatures, so the desire to try new things is completely natural. Many people will find themselves intrigued with the world of BDSM, especially couples looking to spice things up in the bedroom. However, going too fast, too far or miscommunication can end up hurting you or relationship. We have put together this guide for those of you wishing to explore the kinkier side of sex.



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1. Explore Fantasies and Desires

Fantasies are a powerful erotic tool to fuel your arousal, there are often no limitations or consequences, however a desire is what you want from a real-life experience. It is important to realise the difference between what turns you on in your imagination and what you will enjoy in reality.



2. Erotic Energy

Once you have an idea of your desires, think about what intention you want behind the action. For example, a touch can be loving or rough depending on the energy behind it. Whilst practicing BDSM is extremely important to know which kind of energy you want to experience and to communicate that to your partner.




3. Exchange Ideas With Your Partner

Before engaging in something new have an honest conversation about it. Make sure you ask any questions about the acts, intention and erotic energy behind your/their desires, and make sure that they do the same. If you don’t feel that you can have this conversation with your partner, you probably aren’t ready to act on these fantasies quite yet. In all aspects of a relationship communication is key and this is especially important when it comes to the private aspects.



4. Choose Your First Scenario

Don’t make the mistake of attempting to try all your fantasies at once, start with something that you both feel comfortable with and work up slowly towards more adventurous acts. By incorporating one new thing at a time you can easily work out what does and doesn’t work for you or your partner, as well as being able to fine tune the experience.



5. Boundaries

If you do not want to try something, don’t. Just because you are not ready to try your partner's fantasy does not mean that you will never be ready to submit to the experience. Forcing yourself too far out of your comfort zone is likely to damage your sex life and potentially even your relationship. It is important that you respect your partners boundaries, just as you would like your boundaries to be respected. By staying within your agreed boundaries, you build trust, which is imperative for future experiences.



6. Don’t Rush

The excitement of trying new things can cause people to get carried away, going too fast increases the chance of somebody getting hurt. By slowing your journey down, you get to appreciate every part of it, learning more about yourself and your partner along the way. We suggest using a 1-5 scale, 1 being very gentle and 5 being very intense. For example, biting at a 1 would be a small nip, biting at a 5 would incorporate pain and leave a distinct mark. As time goes on, communicating exactly what you want will become easier.



7. Evaluate

Make sure you check in with your partner to find out how the experience was for them. Find out what you both did and did not like, discuss what could make it even better. Having this conversation shows respect and caring, which will also help build trust and understanding over time. Whether or not you are new to BDSM, it is important to give and receive feedback as everyone is different.



8. Enjoy the Journey

BDSM is not about ticking boxes or pushing yourself as far as you can go, it is a long-term exploration of your sexuality; and when with a partner, an exploration of your relationship and how your individual desires intertwine. Something you enjoy now, is not necessarily something you will enjoy in thirty years time. It is important to be open to new experiences in order to have a fulfilling relationship.